Ps 51:3-4 For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight.
David was in deep contrition about his sin. And what was this sin? He had taken another man’s wife and then murdered her husband to cover up his sin (2 Sam 11-12). Now David is deeply grieved about what he did. He says he is haunted by it day and night.
Why do you suppose it took so long for David to recognize his sin? He didn’t appear to have any remorse the following morning after his affair with Bathsheba. He wasn’t in repentance when Bathsheba sent him the message that she was pregnant. Instead of repenting he diligently stove to cover up his sin. He sent for Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, and arranged for him to go home to his wife so he would think that he was the father of the baby. But Uriah was too noble to go home to the comforts of his own residence and to his wife when the rest of the army was on the battlefront (2 Sam 11:11). You would think that as David saw Uriah’s dedication and commitment to do right that would bring conviction to David. Perhaps God was working on David at the time. We do not know his heart. But David was not ready to confess his sin. Instead, he worked harder to cover it up. He then brought Uriah into the palace and got him drunk in order to weaken his resolve. Did that work? No! Uriah’s convictions were strong. Did that bring repentance to David? No! Instead he arranged for Uriah to be put on the front line where the battle was the fiercest and then to withdraw from him. When Uriah was killed, as David planned, David then took Bathsheba to be his own wife.
Yet in Psalm 51 we see a very different David from the one who plotted Uriah’s death. How long did it take David to get to a point where he was ready to confess? Well, Bathsheba had given birth to their son by that time so it must have been at least 9 months. So for 9 whole months David lived with his sin and justified it until Nathan the prophet came to him with a story that finally brought contrition. Why did it take so long?
I believe this shows how powerful sin is and the depth of our human depravity. David pointed out that this sin condition was present at birth (Ps 51:5). This bent on sin is stronger than we know and it makes it extremely difficult to confess our sins. Our nature is to cover them up as David did. David came to recognize that he couldn’t depend on his own knowledge to even recognize his sin. That is why he prayed, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Ps 139:23-24).” Remember that David is described as a “Man after God’s own heart 2 Sa 13:14”. Why is that, when God knew he would commit a more grievous sin than most of us? God described him this way even before his great sin with Bathsheba because he knew about David complete and total repentance even before it happened. Our past doesn’t matter if we repent and confess those sins that God brings to our mind. In God’s eyes those sins are removed as far as the east is from the west (Ps 103:12). But we must depend on God to even recognize those sins because our own sin nature tends to cover them up.
